


Wishing Only Wounds The Heart

by MyEnglishRose



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Flowers, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, More in the Author's note, Platonic Relationships, Plot Twists, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Swearing, and talk about feelings, most are subtle references or just bc the characters share a scene, sort of read and see heheh, talking things out, the ship tags are not that important btw, this fandom has tags that are too long I stg, what a specific tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24278218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyEnglishRose/pseuds/MyEnglishRose
Summary: Roman needs time, they told themselves. But when it appears that Thomas cannot see the Sides and talk to them anymore when they try to communicate with him, they are forced to find a solution and they need to get through the creative side’s walls first.Inspired by a discussion I had with a friend: “But, if the Sides are figments of Thomas’ imagination, if Roman or/and Remus ducks out, would that mean Thomas wouldn’t be able to see and talk to the Sides since he wouldn’t be able to imagine them in front of him anymore?”
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 31
Kudos: 182





	Wishing Only Wounds The Heart

**Author's Note:**

> hey, my sanders sides fics suddenly got attention again and I was like wait why and then I remembered how the last episode crushed us all and suddenly it made sense haha so here have your dose of fix it fluff
> 
> In regards to ships in this one, there is a bit of everything even if I didn't tag all of them, still very Roman-centric, it can be seen as platonic or pre-romantic depending on what you want I guess. The only exception is prinxiety — and kind of intrulogical depends if you take what Remus and Roman say seriously in the scenes. 
> 
> Did you all listen to the playlists by the way? Because it really be like:  
> Logan, Virgil, Janus: *pining for an oblivious side AHUM Roman AHUM*  
> Roman: *wants to be loved*  
> Patton: *just vibing*  
> anyway. There is also some brotherly love with the creative twins because I CRAVE some “i hate you but you’re my brother and if someone hurts you I will destroy them” content so I wrote it myself and I know canon won’t give it to me
> 
> Ah also follow me on tumblr, im [loveliestroman](https://loveliestroman.tumblr.com) <3 English also still isn't my first language and I'm too much of a coward to ask for someone to beta my fics so sorry for the errors the fic might still have even after countless rereadings!

Patton once made a promise, and it was that he would always be there for Roman. He never took into account the fact that someday, he might not know how to do that and that this simple promise would become way more complicated as time goes on, or that Roman might have relayed on him way more than he first realised. He sighs as he stares at Roman’s door, door that has been closed for a whole week now and refrains from knocking.  
  
_He needs time_ , Logan said.  
  
_There’s a possibility he might blow up if we force him to talk and face what happened immediately_ , Janus added.  
  
Patton doubted those statements but ultimately agreed. Feelings are his field of expertise, or at least he believes it to be, but with the latest events, he’s been doubting absolutely everything he once believed to be true.  
  
Maybe he isn’t as much of an expert when it comes to feelings since he couldn’t pick up when Virgil was getting uncomfortable or when Roman slowly withdrew from group activities and just grew quiet as his inputs were getting more and more ignored.  
  
He’s screwed up everywhere, lately. Letting Logan and Janus take the rein, since they both helped Thomas the most with his issues, seemed like the right thing to do. Turns out it wasn’t exactly.  
  
“Thomas can’t see or hear us, how is that possible?” Logan ponders, later on, that day.  
  
Thomas has actually been doing way better, mentally health-wise, ever since he listened to the advice of taking a break for himself. He rarely had any dilemma or mental breakdown or existential crisis and the Sides hadn’t had to intervene. Today, Logan and Patton just wanted to come up to him and congratulate him for the progress, encourage him to continue like that and think about implementing productive time in his day-to-day life little by little as to not get too far behind in his work.  
  
However, when they manifested in Thomas’ room, the latter didn’t even react when he usually always at least greets them with a smile even if they pop up in moments he’d rather be alone. When Logan spoke up, Thomas remained unbothered, reading his book. When Patton tried to touch him, he bumped into an invisible wall surrounding the man.  
  
All of that just confusing them to no end.  
  
“I— I mean, you’re the one with the answers,” Patton replies, frowning to himself.  
  
Logan groans. “It’s like he lost the ability to see us but he didn’t forget about us, like when he makes a mundane decision and whispers our names because he needs some help but…”  
  
A lightbulb suddenly appears above Logan’s head, lighting up as he claps his hands together. “It’s like he lost the creative ability to see us.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“We’re figments of his imagination— Roman might have something to do with this.”  
  
“Intentionally, you think?”  
  
Logan shakes his head. “I doubt it, but we might as well go talk to him.”  
  
Patton frowns at that. “What happened to ‘he needs time’?”  
  
“I think we can agree this is an emergency of some sort.”  
  
What emergency? He wants to ask. Thomas is doing well, nothing is going on in his life and he doesn’t an internal debate with all the sides fighting with each other at the moment. But Patton doesn’t voice any of that and just follows Logan’s lead towards Roman’s room.  
  
Usually, some kind of music always can be heard through Roman’s door. Disney, Broadway musicals or the latest pop hits that get on everyone’s nerves after only one week on the radio. Anything, there is always life. But of course, it isn’t the case here.  
  
Roman’s room has been silent for the past week and if it wasn’t for the occasional sound of Roman’s steps pacing around the room you could hear late at night, it almost felt like no one was in there anymore.  
  
As far as Patton knows, no one has tried to talk to Roman. He’s heard he at least apologised to Janus before locking himself in his room, but he doesn’t know how that discussion went, if it made things worse, or if Janus even accepted the apology (and apologised in return as well, but that he doubts it).  
  
Unlike him earlier that day, Logan doesn’t hesitate and immediately knocks on Roman’s door. They both hold their breath, though, when they see the doorknob slowly turn, almost reluctantly, and then Roman’s tired face is poking out of the darkness of the room.  
  
“Oh,” Roman mumbles, “it’s you.” That makes both sides frown. Was he expecting someone else? “What is it?”  
  
Patton can’t see Roman properly, as the other side remains half hidden by the door which he is holding with a firm grip. He is not wearing his usual princely attire as the prominent red usually always adorning his chest is missing, and his hair looks a bit dishevelled as if the side hasn’t even looked in the mirror yet.  
  
Logan clears his throat. “Would you mind coming out—”  
  
“I’m gay,” Roman cuts him off, about to close the door but Logan puts his foot in the way.  
  
“Roman.”  
  
“Ah, serious business Logan, alright tell me.”  
  
“When am I not serious— anyway,” Logan sighs, though his tone remains surprisingly calm and soft. “Would you mind coming out of your room for a moment, we have encountered an issue and we think your input would be more than helpful.”  
  
Patton nods along, smiling warmly at the creative side as if encouraging him to take a step outside. Roman, however, only raises an eyebrow.  
  
“I’m not… very presentable right now, can’t we just talk here? Please.” He doesn’t want to go to the commons and bump into any of the others, Patton thinks.  
  
“Well uh.” Logan seems taken aback, a bit unsettled by Roman’s insecure tone. He sends a subtle glance to Patton as if asking him to take it from there and, well.  
  
The moral side kind of panics. “Thomas can’t see us anymore and we figured it might be because his imagination’s… broken?” He says the last part in such a high pitched voice, he barely recognises it but he certainly doesn’t miss the way Roman’s whole demeanour completely changes.  
  
“Excuse me?” The prince’s voice is now low and sharp, hurt clearly transpiring through.  
  
“Um, what he means is—” Logan starts again, “it is only a hypothesis, but we’d love to talk to you to maybe come to some sort of conclusion.”  
  
Roman seems to relax a bit at that. “Right, but I’m afraid I can’t help. If I ever could before, anyway.”  
  
“Nonsense!” Patton exclaims. “Besides it wouldn’t be too long yeah? What have you been up to this week, maybe something tempered with Thomas’ imagination—”  
  
Roman’s eyes twitch suddenly, and somehow Patton knows he’s screwed up something.  
  
“Listen, I’ve been minding my own fucking business for a whole week,” Roman complains. “I do stuff, things go wrong or you all don’t like it. I do nothing like I was told to, and apparently things go wrong too. Maybe Thomas doesn’t want to talk to us right now because I sure don’t want to either. Remus is also Thomas’ imagination, go talk to him, he’s been doing most of the work anyway lately. I’m tired so leave me alone now, good luck solving this mystery, farewell!”  
  
And just like that, the door is slammed quite violently in front of Patton who flinches a little, despite Logan holding him steady. At least, even when upset and sad, Roman is still his dramatic self.  
  
“Not the best approach,” the logical side says, not very helpfully. “Let’s see Remus for now, he might have calmed down by then.”  
  
“But—”  
  
“Talking to him right now is useless. He needs some time.” _Again that more time excuse bullshit when will you understand sometimes discussions can_ not _wait_.  
  
“We left him a week…”  
  
“And he might need one more with the discussion we just had. I should have handled the conversation.” That hurts Patton a little bit.  
  
“Logan, no offence, but feelings are my thing.”  
  
“Patton, no offence, but Roman did just slam the door in your face. Feelings are your thing, but you lack the words to express them.”  
  
Patton pouts. “Let’s go see Remus,” he concedes.  
  
They don’t go see Remus, they bump into Virgil first who looks like a deer caught in headlights upon seeing them in front of Roman’s room.  
  
“Hey guys…” Virgil carefully says while squinting his eyes and removing his headphones, promptly avoiding Patton’s eyes specifically. “What are you doing here?” There is an edge to his voice, like a warning, prompting the two sides to actually take a slight step back.  
  
“Tried to talk to Roman about an issue we’re having with Thomas and needless to say, we may have gone with it the wrong way,” Logan explains.  
  
“Wait, what, thought Thomas was doing better? I barely worked this past week outside of the occasional did you properly lock the door after getting Postmates anxious thoughts.”  
  
“It’s not an issue, per se,” Patton tries to explain too, “but he’s apparently unable to physically see us anymore?”  
  
“Huh, odd.” Outside of this comment, Virgil doesn’t seem really fazed. “Is it a bad thing though?”  
  
“What? How could you say that?”  
  
“Every time we show up he ends up having an existential crisis, no offence but that’s probably just Thomas blocking us all out for a while to take a break for himself. That includes away from us, right?” The anxious side looks at Logan for confirmation and the latter hums, intrigued.  
  
“That is a very good point,” Logan concedes. “But Roman did tell us he didn’t want to talk to us right now and I can’t help but feel like there is a correlation with the situation. He and Remus have far more control over the mindscape than they realise.”  
  
“Suits you right.” Virgil shrugs. “But when Roman said he didn’t want to talk to us, don’t include me or Remus in this, just saying.”  
  
“Wait, you’ve been talking?” Patton asks with genuine relief in his voice at the idea that Roman hasn’t been completely alone.  
  
“He came to me after you all were done filming… and fighting. He didn't want to talk, just some company. So I stayed with him. ‘ve never seen him this upset before and we fought _a lot_.” Virgil sighs, still avoiding Patton's gaze but offering a half-smile to Logan. “Only a few days later he told me what happened.” Virgil frowns, a clear disapproving look on his face. “I do worry, guys. I mean it’s my job, but for real. And not about Roman only, Remus hasn’t been doing much better, I think he’s influenced by his brother’s gloomy mood.”  
  
“You’ve been hanging out with Remus too?” Patton asks bewildered.  
  
“Well yeah, you and Janus kind of forgot we existed, thanks for that,” Virgil accuses, a small “traitors” being mumbled. “Anyway, he’s in the imagination if you wanna talk to him, but I’d suggest Logan do the talking, no offence Patton.”  
  
He takes full offence, actually, but Patton doesn’t get the opportunity to say anything as Virgil quickly walks past them and heads directly into Roman’s room without even knocking. Patton sighs as he watches it happen.  
  
He used to be the only one Roman left the door open for at any time of the day.

-: ✧ :-

Janus stops them just before they reach the door to the imagination.  
  
“If you want to talk to Remus, he’s unstable right now.”  
  
“He always is,” Logan counters.  
  
“I’m not joking,” Janus insists, frowning at the blatant confrontation. “He refuses to talk to me. If I get thrown off a cliff, you two will get worse.”  
  
And that… that is odd indeed.  
  
“But… why?” Patton asks. “You two usually are glued to each other’s side…”  
  
“You and Roman used to annoy us all with your antics but we haven’t seen you hang out at all this week either,” Janus spits out and when Patton physically takes a step back, a hand where his heart is, clutching his shirt, the half-snake side sighs, massaging his temples. “Sorry, I’ve been trying to talk to him this past couple of days but he refuses to and I just don’t get it.”  
  
“Maybe we should ask Virgil to come with us,” Patton suggests.  
  
“And take him away from Roman after the discussion we just had with him? Not a good idea,” Logan reasons easily, prompting Janus to blink, trying to catch up.  
  
“Wait, why do you want to talk to him in the first place? And how can Virgil do anything?”  
  
“Long story short, Thomas seems to have lost the imagination required to see us,” Logan provides. “So we suspect the twins might have something to do with it even if unconsciously.”  
  
“Thomas has been doing better, though,” Janus points out with a slight eyebrow raise. “If the twins truly stopped working he would be miserable because Thomas without any creativity isn’t Thomas. They probably have no idea how to fix that.”  
  
“So what we should leave them alone and try to fix it on our own? We’ve done that for a whole week and they’re just getting worse! Forget Thomas for one second he’s doing fine, kind of,” Patton finally speaks up. “Even if Roman and Remus don’t know how to fix that, we need them at the table to try to find a solution, and all they’ve been doing is sulking on their own and we’ve let them do just do that when we _shouldn’t_ have and now we need to get to them before they completely shut us off!”  
  
Both Logan and Janus stare at him wide-eyed at the sudden outburst and Patton physically deflates once he’s done, cheeks heating up. He has had a tendency of just blowing lately, hasn’t he?  
  
“You’re right,” Janus complies. “Go try to talk to Remus, I will go to Roman.”  
  
“Um— Virgil is with him.”  
  
“Perfect, gonna kill two birds with one stone.”  
  
Logan and Patton stare at him.  
  
“Not the best idiom to use right now, got it,” Janus chuckles. “Go on, I swear I will just talk to them and also apologise for a few things.”  
  
Silence.  
  
“Do I really need to do the whole removing my glove thing again?” he groans.  
  
“No, it was just fun to mess with you for a second,” Logan admits, at last, cracking a smile, earning him a slight punch on the arm.  
  
“Whatever,” the deceitful side dismisses. “Don’t get thrown off a cliff like I was!”  
  
And just like that, he sprints away towards Roman’s room. Once he is gone, Patton slowly turns to Logan, a worried frown painting his face.  
  
“He… he was joking about the cliff thing, right? He didn’t look bruised…”  
  
“We may never know, with Remus,” is Logan’s only response. “Just don’t be afraid and you’ll be fine.”  
  
Easier said than done, Patton wants to say, but instead, he reaches to grab Logan’s hand in his as soon as they step inside the imagination for some reassurance. He expects Logan to pull away almost immediately and scold him but the logical side just squeezes his hand as he leads them towards the dark path leading to Remus’ manor.

-: ✧ :-

As expected, they find Remus sitting by the cliff behind his manor, legs dangling softly and his morning star by his side.  
  
“If you’re not here to tell me Roman is finally venturing the world outside his room, then I don’t want to hear it.”  
  
“But—”  
  
“What did I just say,” Remus cuts Patton off harshly. His tone is cold and angry, far from the usual eccentric and oddly joyful attitude the side usually sports.  
  
So they stay silent for a few minutes as both Patton and Logan take tentative steps forward as if approaching a scared dog until they can sit down on either side of the Duke.  
  
“Why haven’t you tried to talk to him?” Logan finally speaks up, always the brave one.  
  
“He’s not the only one who’s been hurting. But I’m getting my head around everything, at last.”  
  
“So why not talk to him now?”  
  
“Thought Virgil would have done enough to make him feel better but apparently not.”  
  
“But he is?”  
  
“They’re not talking, I know because Virgil is too much of a coward and can’t talk about his own feelings either.”  
  
And then suddenly, Remus leans against Logan, head resting on the side’s shoulder. Logan sort of flushes while Patton frowns. Ah, there it is again. That sinking feeling at the sight of someone taking his place. Though, here, it is more of a petty feeling than anything else.  
  
He doesn’t say anything though, as per Virgil’s advice, and only slightly turns around while crossing his legs to look at the pair in front of him.  
  
“It doesn’t feel as good as I thought it would, having Roman willingly give up some of his role to me,” Remus admits, the wind around them suddenly picking up and deafening in everyone’s ears. “We were once one, so we can still feel each other’s feelings at times. Hurting him means hurting me. Roman isn’t the only one who ended up fucked up by how we were brought up. I cannot blame Roman for the comparisons. But I can blame the rest of you.”  
  
He suddenly freezes, straightening up and staring straight ahead. Logan and Patton frown at the sudden change of attitude.  
  
“Roman’s here, and he’s distressed, what the fuck did Virgil and Janus do?!”  
  
Remus’ eyes suddenly glow green, frightening Patton to no end as the latter rushes to Logan’s side for comfort. In the blink of an eye, Remus gets up, grabs his morning star and then runs towards Roman’s castle, leaving Patton and Logan baffled behind.  
  
Well, that conversation wasn’t very helpful for their issue, but they did manage to learn a lot more about the twins than they expected.  
  
Logan cradles the shoulder Remus was leaning on for a few second, frowning in confusion at the way he misses the warmth and how vulnerable the demented side allowed himself to be beside him without him having to encourage it in the first place.  
  
“Lo,” Patton speaks up softly, tugging at his sleeve, “we should follow him.”  
  
“Right.”

-: ✧ :-

They find the dark side trio in front of Roman’s castle, yelling into oblivion. Patton wonders how Roman, if he is truly here now, hasn’t thrown them out of the imagination with like, a snap of his finger for the nuisance they are causing.  
  
“When I keep telling you we didn’t do shit!” Janus is exclaiming.  
  
“The way my heart is pounding and tears are this close to pouring out when I’m pretty sure those feelings aren’t mine say fucking otherwise!” Remus shouts back, morning star dangerously close to Janus’ face.  
  
Patton has to take a few steps back faced with the intensity of the argument, feeling his own breath quicken in fear of an actual fight breaking out between the two sides he thought would always have each other’s back at least for principles.  
  
“Remus, Remus, hey listen to me!” Logan, always the brave but sometimes stupidly brave one, steps in, gently cradling Remus’ face into his palms, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “Let it out, you don’t have to keep it together to protect or avenge your brother’s sadness, a part of you is also sad and it’s okay to let it all out, you don’t need to resent to violence.”  
  
And that seems to do the trick as Remus just lets abruptly go of his weapon to instead break down in Logan’s arms, deep sobs now shaking his body as Logan just wraps his arms around him, gently rubbing his back.  
  
The others stare, taken aback by such complicity, but both Virgil and Janus soon turn their attention back to the castle. Patton, on the other hand, is getting sick of that heavy feeling in his heart. But he guesses Logan isn’t as bad with dealing with others’ feelings as they originally thought he was.  
  
He lets out a small sigh as he decides to let Logan deal with Remus now that the latter has reached a breaking point. He hopes they won’t have to go to that length for Roman as well, but he highly doubts so.  
  
Slowly, he makes his way towards Janus and Virgil, who are now frowning at the castle’s entrance despite the doors being wide open.  
  
“What is it? Why the long face?” Patton asks just as Virgil casually steps foot inside the castle, and doing so with wide eyes. Patton is confused.  
  
“I can’t get in,” Janus explains, “but apparently that snarky spider can.”  
  
“With that attitude, you sure won’t,” Virgil mumbles in response, but not moving from his spot. “Anyway Patton, let’s go.”  
  
Patton hesitates, and he hates it.  
  
“Oh come on you’re the last person Roman would block out,” Janus says with an eye roll. “Now shoo.”  
  
And the little push was meant to be playful and harmless, except instead Patton is met with an obstacle as well, hitting his head on literally nothing. He groans at the sudden pain on his forehead and spares a slight glare towards the half-snake side who at least looks genuinely surprised and guilty.  
  
“Oh my god I’m sorry I really thought—”  
  
“You thought wrong and my forehead paid the price,” Patton replies back.  
  
“What’s happening?” Logan’s voice is close again, Remus close behind.  
  
The creative side seems to be doing better, as if he didn’t have a breakdown in front of them just minutes ago, and only raises an eyebrow. “So? What are you all waiting for, we gotta reach Roman right now.”  
  
“We’re trying, Remus!” Janus answers on an exasperated tone.  
  
“Not hard enough then,” Remus says back while sticking his tongue out and effortlessly joining Virgil’s side. “See, you just gotta take a step ahead.”  
  
“Don’t be a fucking smartass,” Janus hisses.  
  
“Learned from the best, dickhead.” Remus smiles sweetly.  
  
“Wait I can’t get through either,” Logan says, frowning deeply, as he reaches forward only for his hand to rest on that invisible wall.  
  
“You all are not worthy, I’m afraid,” Remus snickers. “Sorry Lo though,” he rushes to say, demeanour visibly softening seeing the pure confusion on Logan’s face.  
  
“Rude,” Janus comments, hand resting on the wall as well, quite unsettled to see Virgil and Remus staring back at him from the other side.  
  
“Wait, that doesn’t make sense,” the anxious side points out. “Why would he allow me, out of all of you, why not Patton! He’s always loved your hugs the most! Or Logan! You two were getting along so well?!”  
  
“I— I don’t get it either,” Patton mumbles. “Logan?”  
  
“Uh.” Logan seems at a loss of answers as well, frowning deeply. There is a little part of him hurting at the thought of Roman unconsciously refusing his company right now that he brushes away because now is not the time for self-pity.  
  
“He needs time,” Janus answers. “But how long can he use that excuse before it looks like he’s running away from us.”  
  
“To be fair he’s not the one using that excuse, but that’s us. We’ve been pushing off the moment of confrontation too,” Logan admits. “We’re as afraid as him.”  
  
“Is it too late?” Patton asks.  
  
“Probably not since we’re not _all_ stopped from entering.”  
  
“Go back to the commons, Virge and I got it from here,” Remus dismisses everyone. “Right buddy?”  
  
“Don’t call me buddy, though,” Virgil grimaces. “I still feel like we aren’t the most qualified.”  
  
“No one is, to be fair, next thing we know Roman will turn into a monster like Patton did. Can't believe I missed _that_ by the way.”  
  
“Yeah that was weird right, I’m still sorry about that,” the moral side chuckles.  
  
“We’ll wait here, however,” Janus insists as he turns around to lean against the invisible wall and then slowly slides down, ending up sitting on the ground. “Thomas can’t see us and he’s just playing some video game right now, so we might as well stay here.”  
  
“Suit yourselves.” Remus shrugs and just like that he drags Virgil inside the long corridors of the empty castle.  
  
Patton watches them go until they disappear at some corner before turning his attention back to Janus.  
  
“Now do tell, what happened for Roman to run off here?”  
  
“Dunno,” Janus says in a small voice as he brings his knees against his chest. “He saw me then just bolted. Didn’t hurt _at all_. Just like being locked out because your presence isn’t desired.”  
  
Right.  
  
“Guess he was mad I interrupted their cuddle,” he continues, the words biting. “He’s a little spoon by the way,” he informs, switching the conversation to a lighter tone.  
  
“Is he?!” Patton exclaims, genuinely surprised. Roman has always been the one holding him before. Before. “He always refused to be little spoon with me,” he continues, pouting as he does so.  
  
Of all the things to be mad about, he didn’t expect to get mad about such a mundane subject.  
  
“Really? Once he kept whining until I accepted he sat in my laps while I was reading,” Logan adds on. “He was surprisingly quiet once curled up there, even asked a few questions, saying it would help with a story he was writing.”  
  
Janus chuckles. “That’s a cute image.”  
  
“It is.” Little silence. “I miss it. Didn’t really realise how much I do until now.”  
  
“Virgil and Remus got it, I trust them,” Patton softly reassures.  
  
“Hopefully.”

-: ✧ :-

“Okay, we’re far enough, hopefully they don’t notice the wall disappearing soon,” Remus says as they are now climbing the stairs towards Roman’s room.  
  
His brother really had to choose to live at the top of a goddamn tower like Rapunzel, uh.  
  
“You actually put the wall there?!” Virgil exclaims, stopping in his track and pointing an accusing finger towards the other side. “Remus we need them to get through to Roman! And weren’t you literally in the middle of a breakdown when we tried to enter what the fuck.”  
  
“Do we?” Remus counters while slightly raising an eyebrow. “Also don’t underestimate what I can do in the imagination, heck maybe Roman’s the prince but I’m still a duke.”  
  
He shakes his head like a disappointed father. That is very Logan-like, Virgil thinks offhandedly which leads him to briefly wonder how much they influence each other through the years. A topic to discuss for another time. “You might not believe it but you are the only one who knows what Ro is going through right now. He doesn’t need reassuring words about how much they love him no matter what, these words mean nothing to him anymore, and that would crush Patton to realise and we don’t need another side to cheer up.” The dark twin genuinely looks annoyed.  
  
“What about Logan? And Janus, then?”  
  
“He wouldn’t appreciate their know-it-all attitude right now even if it’s with good intent. I know what my brother needs, Virgil, and it’s someone who understands. Who understands what it’s like to try your best to help, and going at it the wrong way and feeling like all along you just made every decision to make it worse for Thomas when those were just honest mistakes. I believe you have experience in that, am I wrong? I’m actually surprised you haven’t given him that talk already.”  
  
“He didn’t want to talk… just cuddle…”  
  
“You don’t need to be Janus to know when he’s obviously lying. Or maybe you too were afraid of confronting those feelings? You never actually expressed them properly to Thomas or the others, did you?”  
  
“Just ten minutes ago you were breaking down in Logan’s arms how the fuck did you get so wise, or whatever,” Virgil grumbles  
  
Remus actually laughs.   
  
“Because I let out all the tears but that heavy feeling in my heart is not gone, and now I know for sure those aren’t my feelings. Come on let’s get the princess.”  
  
“He’ll have your head for that.”  
  
“He secretly loves it!”

-: ✧ :-

It is a little anticlimactic when they get to Roman’s room and the boy is asleep on his desk. It is better than seeing him crying himself to sleep as Virgil expected, he guesses, but the Prince’s dramatic antics and love for big and ridiculous resolutions might have rubbed off on him.  
  
“Ok so what now, I’m pretty sure we aren’t supposed to wake him up,” Virgil says as Remus decides to plop down on Roman’s big fluffy bed.  
  
“Dunno, I’m taking a nap too.”  
  
“Remus—”  
  
But Remus obnoxiously snores and Virgil is left alone. He damn well knows Remus isn’t actually sleeping right now and just pretending but he doesn’t have the energy to fight with him right now.  
  
Now left to his own devices and still unsure of what the best option is yet, he just grabs a chair and manages to squeeze himself next to Roman so Virgil can somehow lean on the desk as well while being able to see Roman’s sleeping face.  
  
He crosses his arms on the table, chin resting in the middle as he just stares. It’s a little creepy, he concedes, but he only now realises he hasn’t stopped to look at Roman for a moment in the past week. Sure, he is the side who spent the most time with him lately, but spending time together didn’t mean actually talking or seeing each other. Most of his visits to Roman’s room ever since that day have been spent in silence, cuddling while watching a movie, or sat on the floor back to back, hands touching while Virgil listened to his music and Roman was reading or writing a script. Maybe in a way, Virgil didn’t want to quite literally face the elephant in the room, because it would mean having to face his own issues he hasn’t fully come to terms with.  
  
Hesitantly, he reaches a hand out to caress Roman’s cheek and tuck back some wild strands of hair behind his ear. Obviously, Roman had to come back to life right at that moment, shivering a little almost as soon as Virgil’s fingers hover over his skin. Virgil gulps but doesn’t move as Roman’s eyes softly flutter open, slowly taking in the situation.  
  
“Hey Princey,” Virgil greets, but then Roman huffs and close his eyes again.  
  
“Uh, a dream,” the prince mumbles, prompting the anxious side to frown.  
  
“No… I’m actually here?” He doesn’t know why he sounds so unsure himself.  
  
“Nah, real Virgil wouldn’t look at me like that. Dunno anyone who would,” Roman continues, yawning in the middle and still oblivious to the situation. Virgil almost wants to slap him to properly wake him up.  
  
But, the prince being in this half-dazed mindset might make talking a lot easier.  
  
“Looking at you like what?” he asks instead then, just scooting a little closer in hope Roman would finally open his eyes and his brain would start working properly again.  
  
“Like he doesn’t still hate me,” is the answer he gets, making him frown even more. “Wouldn’t blame him though. At least it isn’t condescending or patronising like the others.”  
  
“Roman… is that really what you think they think of you?”  
  
“Mm.”  
  
Virgil sighs. “You’ve never been a good judge of character, or good at reading people.”  
  
“Now that sounds like the real Virgil.”  
  
The anxious side rolls his eyes. “I _am_ real.”  
  
“Nah.”  
  
“I assure you—”  
  
“Can’t hear ya.”  
  
“Ro—”  
  
“Zzzz.”  
  
Okay now Virgil knows for sure Roman is just messing with him since he literally just said “Zzzz” out loud instead of actually snoring.  
  
So he does the only unexpected thing he can think of that would for sure snap Roman out of this weird dismissive attitude he’s got going on. He leans forward and kisses him.  
  
The reaction is almost immediate as Roman becomes completely red and startles away, falling from his chair with a loud thud. It stirs Remus awake as well, who jumps off the bed, eyes alert, in search of any danger around only to find his brother trying to become one with the floor, it seems.  
  
“Virge, what did you do?” Remus doesn’t accusatory, rather amused instead. Good sign.  
  
“Had to wake the sleeping beauty,” Virgil answers, eyes fixed on the mumbling blushing mess that was now Roman. For someone who thrives on affection and attention, Virgil has always been surprised by how badly Roman handles those.  
  
“You broke him even more.”  
  
“Yeah maybe.” Virgil is smiling widely, though. “Not gonna apologise for that one.”  
  
“How long have you been wanting to do that?”  
  
“A while.”  
  
“What are you two even doing here?!” Roman’s whiny voice interrupts them. The prince is now sitting on the floor, glaring at the two sides looking down on him.  
  
“Saving the princess from the tower,” Remus replies sarcastically. “No for real Ro, you need to talk and stop hiding.”  
  
“Is this about the 'Thomas can’t see us' thing?” Roman groans, standing up and making a show of dusting off his clothes. “Because again I just think he’s the one wanting to take a break from us but I’m not a beacon of knowledge am I. I’m sure Logan or Janus will figure it out eventually.”  
  
“Roman,” Remus insists.  
  
“What? They barely can tell the difference between us two and you’ve always wanted to have more work, what are you trying to do here?”  
  
“Help you, is that so difficult to believe?”  
  
“Obviously since we’re supposed to resent each other and you’re supposed to be happy!”  
  
“Well, I am not!” Remus yells back. “Being repressed was bearable because at least you were happy and I could live through you but now we’re both miserable and you can’t tell me you haven’t been feeling it too?!”  
  
“It’s supposed to be your turn! I’m letting you have what you’ve always wanted!”  
  
“This never was what I wanted!”  
  
It seems like the whole world stops turning after that as Roman frowns, finally properly looking at his brother.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I never wanted your throne so to speak, I just wanted to be your equal, taking your place isn’t it.”  
  
“Are you quoting a Marvel movie here?” Virgil can’t help but comment on the side, earning a “shush!” from the two brothers. “Okay, my bad.” So much for him being there to help, apparently.  
  
“So what was all that knocking me out for and calling me dull?! Seriously, not cool,” Roman complains.  
  
“You wouldn’t have felt it if you weren’t afraid of me, now that’s not cool,” Remus accuses back.  
  
“Excuse you have you seen your morning star? That is terrifying!”  
  
“You’re just weak.”  
  
“How dare you—”  
  
“Guys guys, it started out as sweet, and you’re drifting from the initial subject here,” Virgil intervenes again, but with a purpose this time as he literally puts himself in between the two siblings.  
  
He guesses that no matter how hard they try, these two will always clash just because of their very opposing nature.  
  
“Listen. Good and bad is all made up nonsense. I’ve been telling you for years but it was fun to play the good bro, bad bro roles until it actually started to hurt us,” Remus starts again after a groan. “Which is now,” he ends, reaching a hand forward.  
  
Roman stares at the hand for a moment, frowning to himself. After what seems at least ten minutes of complete silence, he sighs and abruptly takes his brother’s hand only to pull him towards him so he can properly embrace him. Remus completely freezes in his arms.   
  
“Can we… not do the whole what is good and what is bad thing again, I’ve already come to terms with that,” Roman mumbles, ignoring Remus’ complete state of shock at the moment.  
  
“So what’s the problem now, Roman? You need to tell us,” Virgil encourages.  
  
“Wait ew what is this,” Remus finally speaks up and interrupts the moment, hands awkwardly waving around not sure what to do. Is he faking it, Virgil wonders, since he had no issue hugging back Logan a few moments ago, but he guesses Remus wasn’t exactly in a right state of mind back then.  
  
“Affection, you gotta hug me back, dummy,” Roman answers with a strong eye-roll.  
  
“Disgusting,” the duke comments, “please do not let go.” He sounds smaller that time and it actually makes Roman chuckle.  
  
It is a sweet moment, Virgil concedes as he watches the brothers revel in each other’s presence, but he is also afraid this is distracting everyone from the original issue they came here for.  
  
Or maybe this reconciliation is actually helping as well.  
  
Fortunately for him, Remus is the first one to pull away from the hug and hold Roman at arms length, looking at him seriously in the eyes.  
  
“Okay, that was fucking great but don’t think I’ve forgotten why we’ve come here in the first place. What’s going on in that big head of yours?”  
  
“Not much, as usual,” Roman answers, looking away.  
  
“We all know you aren’t as dumb as you portray yourself,” Virgil softly says. “You’re not a screw-up, you just make mistakes while thinking you were doing the right thing.”  
  
“If you already know what’s wrong with me, why ask, then?” the prince wonders.  
  
“Because you gotta admit it to yourself too Princey.” At that moment, Virgil comes forward while Remus gets the feeling it is his time to step back a little, so he sits back on the bed. Virgil, on the other hand, takes his place in front of Roman, gently reaching out, cradling the creative side’s face in his hands in a similar fashion Logan did earlier with Remus.  
  
So yes maybe Virgil is following Logan’s actions, it seems pretty wise at the moment.  
  
“And nothing’s _wrong_ with you, it’s all just a big misunderstanding. Just because you’re not perfect doesn’t mean it’s wrong. You’re not one of your ideas that need to be the best to be accepted. Heck, your ideas don’t need to be full-fledged and perfect either because we’re here to help you with them before presenting them to Thomas!”  
  
“Mostly you though,” Roman mumbles.  
  
Virgil smiles. “What was that?”  
  
“Nothing.”  
  
Virgil chuckles. “Listen, you’re just trying your best, and it’s not like we’ve been the best at showing we care either.”  
  
“Yeah say that again!” Remus butts in and they both ignore it.  
  
“But you’ve always put on that facade like… like nothing could get to you because you’re better than us, or whatever. I’m sorry it took so long to realise the walls were crumbling down, I’m sorry it had to abruptly break all at once for us to _finally_ worry.”  
  
“Hey hey,” Roman soothes, hands resting upon Virgil’s now, so the anxious side can take a breath a relax for a short moment. “It wasn’t your responsibility, though.”  
  
“But we should all look out for each other.”  
  
“For Thomas’ well-being I know but—”  
  
“No, because we… we are a sort of family, aren’t we? Caring for each other is looking out for each other, not taking sides or pointing fingers at who might be causing an issue or whatever. True, our first priority is and will always be Thomas, but we did forget we’re not perfect either along the way and we have our own issues to deal with, and we shouldn’t deal with alone. It’s okay to admit it, no one is here to judge.”  
  
Virgil lets go of him for a moment and holds back a smile when he sees Roman instinctively leaning forward, chasing his hands.  
  
“I know how you’re feeling right now, Roman. Inadequacy, mostly. Except that on top of feeling like you’re not needed anymore, you think you can be replaced because Remus is here but you two aren’t as identical as you were led to believe. You’re Thomas’ fanciful side, his romantic aspirations, his feminine and sensitive side. You are more than just creativity or his ego. Just like Remus is more than just his intrusive thoughts. You matter. You are a huge part of his personality and his identity with his fans.”  
  
“So we’re going to ignore the fact that I’m hated though? I can’t blame them, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t get to me.”  
  
“No one hates you.”  
  
“Uh, haven’t heard that one before,” Roman mumbles, now fully turning away. “I brought this upon myself, didn’t I? I was the one who wanted to start the whole YouTube thing and now it’s biting me in the ass and now I want to back down from that because, what, I’m not the favoured side anymore if I ever was in the first place? Now _that’s_ selfish, you know.”  
  
“Roman…”  
  
“You can’t even defend me here, you know it’s true. This whole thing started because I wanted attention! But I wasn’t getting it from the right people.”  
  
Virgil stays silent because finally, Roman is opening up, but he gulps, mentally preparing himself.  
  
“You know, Janus still hasn’t answered the only question that mattered to me for the past week. What’s the balance? I need guidance,” Roman chuckles slightly at his impromptu rime. “I am the embodiment of Thomas’ selfishness, my hopes and dreams for him only hurt Patton’s and Logan’s agendas. So how long can I refrain myself before it gets critical, or have we already crossed that line? Is that why Thomas supposedly can’t see us anymore? All of this led me to believe I had to leave him and the others alone for a while because I only ever hurt everyone. That everyone’s better off without me and I’m not completely wrong! Look Thomas has been doing better! Sure he isn’t as productive and creative as before but he’s doing better mentally at least. But if he’s lost the ability to see us it is most likely my own fault despite how hard I don't want it to be like fuck, of course, there must be a reason you all are reaching out to me now that this issue is brought up.”  
  
“It’s not— It’s not just because of that Roman.”  
  
“But it’s part of the truth.”  
  
“Maybe so,” Virgil concedes. “I like to think of it as a push from life so we can finally all get our shit together.”  
  
That gets Roman to laugh softly. “Fair enough.” A pause. “I think I’m ready to face the others though, now that all that is let out.”  
  
“And do you think you’d be willing to finally come out of your room and hang out again? I’ve missed bickering over the breakfast table with you.”  
  
Roman smiles. “Damn, if I were told you’d be the first person to tell me that like, four months ago, I never would have believed it.”  
  
“Yeah me neither, probably,” Virgil admits. “We should go find the others then, they probably have a lot to say as well.”  
  
Neither of them moves, though, and Roman is looking at him with his head slightly bent down as if waiting for something because there is still something unsaid between them. Virgil sighs, rubbing his arm self-consciously.  
  
“And Roman?”  
  
“Mmh?”  
  
“We— I love you.” Virgil doesn’t know in what sense he means it just yet, hence why the pronoun hesitation, but Roman smiles so softly, so carefully, he knows it was the right moment to say those sometimes dreadful words. That reaction is new, he thinks. He’s never seen Roman actually react to being told he is loved, now that he thinks about it properly. Roman used to revel in the declaration of love from the others and gradually his eyes turned weary, anxious… Virgil would know. Is that love sincere? Do they just say that as you do with a kid to please them and send them away right after? _Everything’s gonna be okay kiddo, we love you_ , rings loudly in Virgil’s ears even when he wasn’t even there.  
  
“I love you too, Virgil,” Roman finally answers. He is not quite looking at him yet, seeming small and insecure still, but Virgil feels the sincerity wash over him. “And thank you. To you too, Remus.”  
  
At that, both Virgil and Remus startle — the former because he kind of forgot Remus was even there and the latter because he just didn’t expect it at all.  
  
“No problem, Roro!” Remus quickly recovers from the initial shock. “Now, I don’t want to rush you, but the three others have been waiting for about an hour at the door of your castle.”  
  
“What?! Why didn’t they come up too, then?”  
  
“Remus kind of locked them away without telling them and now they might think it’s because you didn’t want them here.”  
  
“Remus!”  
  
“What! You sure as hell wouldn’t have talked if they were there and we both know it so I did us all a favour!”  
  
“I wouldn’t have— but that’s rude.”  
  
“And they’re dumb, the wall probably has disappeared for a while now yet they’re not here.”  
  
“Excuse you,” a new voice suddenly interrupts the moment, causing Virgil, Remus and Roman to startle and slowly turn around to face the door. “We were just waiting for the perfect moment to show up,” Janus announces, making a spectacle of slowly walking in up until he suddenly gets pushed on the side by an excited Patton who is running straight to Roman.  
  
A bit taken off-guard, Roman dodges Patton’s upcoming hug attack, making the moral side fall on the bed instead with a pout on his lips at the rejection. Logan soon appears by the door as well, readjusting his tie.  
  
“He’s lying, we noticed literally five minutes ago and we just happen to now arrive when everything seems to be settled.”  
  
“‘Everything’ wouldn’t quite cut it,” Roman admits. He is suddenly guarded again, Virgil notes, as the prince crosses his arms. “But anyway let’s, uh, see Thomas now, yeah?”  
  
“Wait, Roman first—” Janus starts.  
  
“Not now Janus, please.”  
  
“We do need to talk, though.”  
  
“Same here,” Patton says as well.  
  
It is silent as Roman eyes them all with something akin to fear in his eyes. Virgil frowns — that is not a good side, the last thing they need is for the creative side to retreat into himself again. But then Roman shakes his head.  
  
“Actually,” he starts then completely ignores Janus’ and Patton’s hopeful smiles to instead focus his attention on Logan, “I would like to talk to you for a moment, Lo?”  
  
That seems to stun everyone into silence, Logan included who just nods with wide eyes at the predicament.  
  
“Roro!” Remus suddenly whines, breaking the tension and earning a confused glance from his brother. “Don’t steal him away from me you’ve already got the emo boy, I get the nerdy one!”   
  
His intervention has the effect desired.  
  
“Can’t you shut the fuck up at least once in your life?!” Virgil groans, cheeks reddening.  
  
“Funny you say that should I remind you how you ki—” Remus doesn’t get to finish his sentence, as Virgil jumps on him to cover his mouth, leading to the two of them falling on the floor and start a quite pathetic wrestling match as all they do is roll around like cats.  
  
Janus and Patton both hurry to break them apart, while Roman and Logan share a look before they swiftly exit the room for some privacy.

-: ✧ :-

“I think my brother has a crush on you,” is the first thing Roman says after walking in silence through the long corridors of the castle.  
  
“I kind of gathered,” Logan answers. “You know— he wasn’t doing well either this past week.”  
  
“Yeah I know, I could feel it. Was telling myself I was imagining it because heck, I finally let him have more control over Thomas’ imagination, why would he be sad?” Roman sighs as they come to a stop by one of the huge windows.  
  
“You didn’t really want to talk though, did you,” Logan points out as they both stare at the luxurious garden below them. “You wanted to avoid Janus and Patton for now.”  
  
Roman hums, crossing his arms. The wind outside has settled. “Does that make me a coward?”  
  
“I don’t think so.”  
  
“Uh, I expected you to take that opportunity to insult me.”  
  
“You don’t need that right now and you haven’t insulted me either, so there is no reason for that, Roman.”  
  
The prince cracks a smile at that.  
  
“I will not lie,” Logan continues. “I was kinda hurt when I first thought you were the one unconsciously blocking us out because you didn’t want to talk to me— well, _us_. Kinda glad it actually was Remus being Remus.”  
  
“He’s not as oblivious as he seems.”  
  
“Much like you, Roman.”  
  
Roman’s only acknowledgement to that statement is a grunt, but he surprisingly doesn’t feel as offended as he was before when any of the sides would compare him to his brothers. Who would have known? Talking did actually solve that hurtful feeling.  
  
He spots movement in the garden and wills his face to remain neutral as to not alarm Logan when he recognises the two figures walking side by side. “What do they want to talk about, you think, Patton and Janus I mean?” he asks, bringing his gaze back on the logical side.  
  
“Apologise?”  
  
“But Patton has nothing to apologise for… and Janus already did.”  
  
“He did?” Logan frowns.  
  
“Yeah?” Roman looks just as confused by Logan. “About a few days ago. Not— not face to face, I refused to open my door when I realised it wasn’t Virgil. He expected it, though, because soon after he slipped two whole letters under my door.” He huffs. “Could be read as a love letter to Patton, through the whole thing he kept saying he just wanted to get through to Patton, but he didn’t quite intend to hurt me in the process. I still kinda doubt that though he knew what would hurt. I deserved that though.”  
  
“But he hasn’t apologised, then,” Logan points out.  
  
“Uh?”  
  
“For playing with your feelings? Manipulating you?” Roman’s arms tighten around himself at the reminder. “Roman you do know that wasn’t okay of him knowing that was your weakness.”  
  
“That was _my_ fault, for falling for it,” the prince replies stubbornly.  
  
“So was it my fault he impersonated me more than once and put me aside? Because I’m… easy to replace?” Logan counters.  
  
“No!” Roman exclaims. “And you’re not easy to replace, specs, he’s got none of your mannerisms down, I swear, he should pay more attention to you. Like seriously, him playing Patton was on point but you? He can’t impersonate you at all.”  
  
That creates a smile on Logan’s face. “Then him taking advantage of one of your weakness isn’t your fault either, you gotta stop being so harsh on yourself.”  
  
“But I still don’t want an apology, it doesn’t feel right. Like… like I haven’t… earned it or something.”  
  
“Earn it? You apologised right after the events and he’s accepted it, didn’t he?”  
  
“Yeah… I don’t know. I’m scared.”  
  
“Of what?”  
  
“That it’s not gonna be genuine.”  
  
Ah, that is indeed an issue.  
  
“I just— don’t trust you— not, not _you_ —” Logan will later deny the relief he feels inside. “but _them_ , anymore.”  
  
“And that’s understandable,” Logan validates him, reaching forward to put his hands on Roman’s arms, silently telling him to relax. “You need time.”  
  
Time, always more and more time.  
  
“Virgil told me he loves me,” Roman whispers while Logan’s eyes widen at the very uncharacteristic information he just got told, “and that was the first time I actually believed it, deep down. Every single time Patton or Janus said that it felt like— like they knew it would satisfy me even for just a short time. Not necessarily in a mean-spirited way for Patton but, you know, a bit dismissive I guess? It did satisfy me. For a while. And I guess a part of me really wanted to block out your and Virgil’s warnings about Janus and believe his words weren’t just to flatter me. Gosh, I was so desperate.”  
  
Roman sighs. “How pathetic is that, I’m the romantic side and I could not tell when they were being sincere or not.”  
  
There is a beat of silence, Logan shuffling on his feet and slowly letting go of Roman’s arms before looking up with a determined expression. Roman blinks at him, with a small confused smile.  
  
“Lo?”  
  
“I love you.”  
  
Silence again and Logan is afraid he’s done something wrong until he sees Roman’s eyes literally light up with stars and his cheeks become a subtle shade of red. And then, Roman is smiling, a smile so wide and so bright, the side soon feels embarrassed as he chuckles to himself, hiding his face in his hands. This bubbling happiness radiating from the creative one is contagious and Logan soon finds himself laughing alongside him, cheeks hurting.  
  
“Love you too, Logan,” Roman finally manages to let out. “Gosh, see, it felt so great to hear you say that and I just know you’re genuine.”  
  
“But,” Logan still insists, “I also rarely express emotions, so does Virgil. There may be some misunderstanding.”  
  
“Maybe so,” Roman concedes. “Things have just changed.”  
  
_For the better_ , is implied. But is it really better?  
  
“I’ll get there eventually. We should really check on Thomas now,” he goes on to say. “Hey, turns out, I actually needed to talk to you. So, thank you for that.”  
  
“Anytime. Are you willing to hear them out then? It’s okay if you still need time I can tell them to leave you alone for a moment.”  
  
“No need specs. Better get this done so everything can go back to normal.” Well, as normal as everything can get now.  
  
“You got this, buddy,” Logan says with finger guns and Roman chuckles slightly. He hasn’t heard or seen that one in a while.  
  
“Or I don’t, it can go either way,” he quotes back.  
  
Logan smiles. “Eh, you do listen to me sometimes.”

-: ✧ :-

“So, he’s really been avoiding us.”  
  
After they have calmed down the childish fight between Virgil and Remus, Patton had decided to go wonder around the castle again. Staying in Roman’s room was uncomfortable, especially after he realised that the prince had taken down most of the pictures that once decorated the room and after seeing the remains of Roman’s Christmas Carol and the script for the movie Thomas was supposed to go to the callback for in the trash bin, filling him with guilt and shame.  
  
Janus soon caught up to him though, which was probably for the best, Patton left alone in his sorrow is never a good thing, and they have now been sitting on a bench in the middle of the huge royal garden for about five minutes before Patton finally spoke up.  
  
“You do know, none of this is your fault, right?” Janus gently replies.  
  
“Why does it feel like it, then?”  
  
Janus shrugs. That sure helps.   
  
“You’ve always been supportive of him,” the half-snake side says. “You’ve always tried your best. Roman loves you, or he wouldn’t have given up the callback for you, despite how hard I tried to kind of force him on my side. You can’t fake such devotion. He’s probably just confused.”  
  
“And feeling betrayed,” Patton adds with a frown.  
  
“I mean that’s a given.”  
  
“You’re really not helping. Knowing he gave up a part of himself to please me just makes me feel worse. That’s not love… is it?”  
  
Janus grimaces. What does he know about love anyway?  
  
“He gave that huge opportunity up and for what? For me to realise I was wrong and he was initially right to trust you? But now he doesn’t trust neither of us because of a judgemental mistake?” Patton takes a deep breath. “I’m scared we’ve lost him for good, Janus.”  
  
At that, the deceitful side vigorously shakes his head.  
  
“I know you’re sick of hearing that word, but it will just take time, for trust to be rebuilt again.”  
  
Patton actually groans, annoyed.  
  
“Just— look,” Janus continues, a hand now poised on the other side’s shoulder. “Don’t beat yourself up over this, all in all, if there’s someone to blame, it’s me. I wanted to be heard by you and realise that I’m here because you can’t know everything, but I went at it the wrong way. I gained your trust, but Logan only tolerates me, I’m pretty sure he’s still on the fence because of all those impersonations and putting him aside, Remus is a wild card but he’d choose Roman over me any time because they have a weird brotherly bound you cannot completely cut, Virgil… is Virgil and I hurt the only person who actually appreciated my company in some way.”  
  
“Wait, what?”  
  
“Maybe it was because I was the only one who gave him some validation about his projects but we did hang out a bit, behind you all’s backs. He was fond of recreating Shakespeare plays in the mind palace.”  
  
“I thought it was an act? Have you been playing with him this whole time?”  
  
“No! Even I am not that cruel.” Janus frowns, letting go of Patton like he just burned him. “It did start as a trick, but some things were genuine. I wasn’t lying when I said you all needed to listen to Roman more. He is not as dumb as you think he is, he did suggest to talk to Lee and Mary-Lee before the wedding in order to sort out a solution. Let’s be honest, if you had listened to him in the first place we wouldn’t be where we are now.”  
  
“I know— it’s just a bit late for that.”  
  
“Not really,” Roman’s voice coming from behind them startles them.  
  
“But damage has been done,” Logan’s voice joins and Patton and Janus promptly turn around to see the two sides standing there with a small smile though with a distant glint in Roman’s eyes. “The callback was a once in a lifetime opportunity and with everything going on with Thomas’ mental health it wouldn’t be wise to go audition everywhere again. Hopefully, next time such dilemma won’t occur.”  
  
Will there even be a next time? Is the question hovering over their heads but Virgil isn’t there to bluntly say it.  
  
“I believe we need to talk,” Roman states after a cough, trying to dissipate the worried atmosphere around them all. “Janus, if you will?” He extends a hand as he asks, prompting the cold-blooded side to raise an eyebrow, a flirtatious smile instinctively finding its place on his lips.  
  
“Are you asking me to dance my prince?”  
  
“Janus,” Patton and Logan both warn at the same time.  
  
“Uh fine.” Janus drops the act and simply takes Roman’s hand in his and then is the one leading them further into the garden.  
  
Somehow they find themselves surrounded by purple hyacinths and it takes a few minutes for Janus to realise that it is because the garden has been changing around them as the imagination often does if you are in close proximity to one of the twins.  
  
Purple hyacinths. Deep sorrow. Roman. Asking for forgiveness. Janus.  
  
He wonders if Roman even knows what they mean. The prince lets go of his hand a bit too abruptly for his liking once he comes to a stop while looking at the flowers around them, and Roman doesn’t seem particularly fazed by the change of scenery.  
  
So he’s oblivious.  
  
“I just don’t trust you,” Roman bluntly says after a few beats of silence and though Janus expected it, he flinches. “I’m still sorry about mocking your name and I still have to work on my impulses, but it doesn’t change the fact I don’t trust you.”  
  
“That’s understandable and I apologise—” Janus starts but cuts himself off when Roman shakes his head vehemently. The half-snake man frowns in confusion, this is supposed to be the moment he apologises, isn’t it?  
  
“Not _just_ you, though,” the prince clarifies with a little sigh.  
  
Janus freezes. “What— why, Patton will be crushed to hear that!”  
  
“Yeah, I’m still trying to figure out a way to explain my feelings to him without literally breaking him, hence why I wanted to talk to you first.”  
  
“Is it just because he trusts me? By association you lost respect for him?”  
  
“No, I’m not that petty, can you stop assuming the worst of me? Jesus Christ.” Roman huffs. “It’s something I’ll discuss with him. Anyway, I just wanted to get that out so just know it’s nothing personal, we can go back to the others now.”  
  
“Woah hey, we haven’t talked at all.” Janus stops him, grabbing his arm before the prince had the time to fully turn away. “Stop running away from me.”  
  
Roman glares at him. “I’m afraid whatever you might say isn’t going to make me like you again so why bother.”  
  
_Again_. Alright that stings more than Janus expected.  
  
“At least not now,” the prince concedes. “I apologised, you accepted the apology. You apologised back, I accept your apology, it’s gonna take a few months or so for that to actually mean something, let’s go.”  
  
“Roman.”  
  
Roman sighs but doesn’t move when Janus lets go of his arm.  
  
“Just… hear me out for a minute, please?” the half-snake man asks.  
  
“I just told you I don’t trust you. You broke _my_ trust before daring to ask the _others_ to trust you, excuse me if the bitterness won’t wash away in only a week.”  
  
Janus takes a step back, biting his bottom lip at the venom in his voice.  
  
“I— You may think I ended up getting everything I wanted.”  
  
“That’s what your letters implied.”  
  
“I was lying to myself.” Which is a new low even for himself, Janus thinks, not quite meeting Roman’s eyes anymore.  
  
“I didn’t expect to care… that I hurt you.” He hears Roman huff again which, he cannot blame him, that is quite a hurtful statement. “But this past week made me realise how much I do miss you.”  
  
“Right,” Roman’s voice has a dismissive edge to it. “You only care because Remus was hurting as well and _he_ is your actual friend. You sure missed me when the only other side who bothered to see me is Virgil and you spent the past week being best of friends with Patton. Spare me the rest.”  
  
“How can I make it up to you? There’s gotta be something,” Janus still insists.  
  
“I really don’t think there’s anything, Jay.” Janus bites back a smile though because _that’s a nickname, that’s actual improvement, however little it is_. “Let’s just move on?”  
  
“But I don’t like it. I never felt this… this guilt. It’s awful.”  
  
“You get used to it,” Roman dismisses, this time not waiting a second to turn around and start walking away, purple hyacinths forming a trail behind him.   
  
“Now _that’s_ what it feels to actually be a bad guy for someone,” Janus muses. He doesn’t like it as much as he expected to.  
  
Deep sorrow.  
  
Janus sighs, picking up a hyacinth and slowly twirling it in his fingers, watching the petals dance around. From the corner of his eyes he see the retreating figure of the prince and the heavy feeling in his heart comes back, somehow stronger than before.  
  
It’s confusing. Uncomfortable. Hurting.  
  
He has failed at his job. He is Thomas’ self-preservation, he tells himself, looking around the now empty garden. He is meant to protect Thomas and most importantly Thomas’ self-worth. _Roman_.  
  
He kind of forgot that for that not only did he need to get through to Patton, but he also needed to get through to Roman. Ironically enough, he has done the exact thing he accused the others of doing — neglecting him. Equaling him to a second thought, a pawn of some sort. He is afraid it might be too late, now, to rebuild the confidence Roman has lost along the way.  
  
Janus takes a deep breath as he starts to walk back to where they had left Patton and Logan. A flicker of hope appears to him at the thought of the moral side.  
  
If there was someone who could make things better with Roman, it probably is him. And so Janus smiles softly, letting himself hope, for once.  
  
He can wait for his own closure with Roman. He is used to it, Janus muses as images of Patton’s friendly smile flashes before his eyes, waiting and longing. Hopefully, it won't be too long, though.

-: ✧ :-

When Roman goes back to the bench, Virgil and Remus have now joined Logan but Patton is nowhere to be found.  
  
“Did you kill Janus, where is he?” Remus asks.  
  
Roman frowns, briefly looking behind him and only seeing the trail of purple hyacinths instead of the half-snake man. He bends down, picking up a few flowers. “Uh, I thought he was following me.” He absentmindedly hooks the flowers under the loop where his sash usually is. He needs a bit of colour.  
  
“Everything alright?” Virgil asks, immediately coming up to him and reaching for his hands in a surprisingly soft and affectionate gesture. Roman smiles.  
  
“It’s getting there,” he says. “Where’s Patton?”  
  
“He wanted to prepare some sort of surprise,” Logan informs him. “He went this way, I think you should go see him.” The logical side points at the entrance of the labyrinth and Roman grimaces, wondering why on earth Patton decided to hide in there when he is the side who always ends up confused and lost.  
  
Oh god, there is a fifty percent chance Patton is lost and that is why he hasn’t returned yet then, he thinks.  
  
“Do you think he’s lost?” Roman asks anyway.  
  
Virgil and Logan share a look then simultaneously shrug. “Most probably,” they answer in sync.  
  
When none of them move Roman sighs and summons his sword. “Fine, Remus did you warn him you let some of your monsters roam around there at least?”  
  
“Nope!” Remus answers all too happily. Roman gives him a pointed look. “Oh come on in my defence Patton was already gone before me and Virge arrived. He’ll be alright, go be the hero Roro, save him!”  
  
Roman only huffs, ignoring Logan’s and Virgil’s visible surprise at his lack of enthusiasm, and heads towards the labyrinth.  
  
Almost as soon as the prince leaves, Janus appears in front of the other sides again just in time to see Roman’s retreating back in the distance.  
  
“By you all’s long faces I am guessing Roman wasn’t as excited to play the knight in shining armour as we expected he’d be,” Janus comments simply.  
  
“This will take more than just a discussion, there is no way you thought everything would be solved in one afternoon,” Logan says.  
  
“What did he say to you?” Virgil asks.  
  
Janus shrugs. “That I still don’t have his trust, which is understandable.”  
  
“Well duh I wonder why,” the anxious side snarls.  
  
“You are not any better Virgil, are you? I am not the one who threatened to physically hurt another side, am I?”  
  
Virgil frowns. “I never threatened Princey and your way to deal with me and Remus was to fucking push us down the stairs.”  
  
“Nudge. You two are just clumsy and ended up falling somehow,” Janus denies.  
  
“This is not the time for you two to quarrel!” Logan shouts, effectively separating the two sides. “Though we will have to talk about how prone to violence you are.”  
  
“Remus put a fucking throwing star in your head and you’re hugging him right now?” Janus points out.  
  
The Duke is indeed wrapped around the logical side like a koala, while the latter is sitting on the bench with an exasperated look on his face.  
  
“He won’t let go.”  
  
“I won’t!”  
  
“Once he gets attached it’s over for you, good luck with that,” Janus says.  
  
“You just got replaced dude.”  
  
“In this case, believe me, I don’t mind it.”  
  
“Rude,” Remus still comments.

-: ✧ :-

The labyrinth is oddly silent and Roman cannot hear any sign of the Minotaur his brother has insisted to place there just because he wanted the imagination to somewhat be faithful to the tales and legends Thomas has grown up hearing about. It doesn’t take him long to realise Remus lied to him and most certainly made all the monsters freely walking around the imagination disappear while Patton, Logan and Virgil are here. He doesn’t really take Janus into account, knowing the deceitful side knows how to fight and defend himself. He dematerialises his sword and takes a deep breath.  
  
From pure muscle memory, Roman finds himself in the middle of the labyrinth, now facing the huge rectangular pond there, ducks paddling around… and somehow water lilies have appeared as well, a few frogs resting on them here and there. Roman frowns before he hears someone behind him. He barely has time to turn around before he suddenly finds himself with a bouquet of yellow flowers right in his face, blinding him from the sight of an embarrassed Patton.  
  
“Daffodils?” He recognises the flowers immediately. “Patton—”  
  
“They represent new beginnings!” Patton rushes to say before Roman could refuse the bouquet. “It’s— I get things can’t be like they used to anymore and— and I’m not sure I like that, you know how I hate changes and moving on… but… I don’t want to lose you and I know your trust in me has been severely damaged so. The only solution would be… to start over.”  
  
“Pat… you do know I don’t hate you, right?”  
  
“But you don’t trust me anymore, that’s worse!”  
  
“How…?”  
  
“Logan might have let that slip when I annoyed him until he told me what you talked about,” Patton explains, guilt clear in his voice.   
  
“You really have to stop snooping around my dear, you’ll just end up getting hurt.”  
  
Roman doesn’t seem to realise his pet name slip up so Patton holds back a smile.  
  
“Yeah that’s a bit late for that, but I made a promise to you.” Roman tilts his head in confusion. “I promised I’d always be there for you yet I never actually listened to you. I thought you were content with the cuddles and the kisses but I now realise that it wasn’t enough.”  
  
“You had your own issues to go through, though,” Roman defends him.  
  
Why is he even defending him?  
  
“And you tried to help the only way you knew how by encouraging me, telling me that I wasn’t being a bad influence, that I’m just trying my best but— when did I ever do that back for you?”  
  
“It wasn’t your responsibility.”  
  
“It kind of is, though.”  
  
“Patton, no—”  
  
“Roman, stop making excuses for me.”  
  
When the prince doesn’t say anything in response, the moral side takes a deep breath.  
  
“I am sorry my indecisiveness led to you hurting. I am sorry that I have been unconsciously pushing you to back down instead of letting you have a word at the table. And I know this took a huge tole on you and I just— if I could I would go back in time.”  
  
“Don’t fret it, Pat,” Roman replies gently and puts a finger on Patton’s lips before he could protest again. Patton crosses his eyes to look offendedly at the finger and Roman really struggles to not smile and give in faced with the man’s cuteness. “I’ve looked up to you all my life, even if I tried it’d be hard to resent you. But I might need some distance, so I can stop… relying so much on what you think. Stop relying on… anyone’s way of thinking, actually. I gotta learn to trust my judgement again.”  
  
It is silent then, and while both sides know everything is not solved yet, and probably won’t be for a few more time, they smile at each other because really, they can’t help it. Slowly, Roman lowers the bouquet on the ground and then opens his arms.  
  
“C’mon, bring it on,” he whispers but Patton hears it loud and clear and doesn’t waste any moment, arms wrapping around Roman’s shoulders and nose immediately squished against the other’s neck. It feels warm, it feels familiar.  
  
And fuck, did Patton miss it.  
  
Roman hugs back just as fiercely.  
  
“God, your hugs remain better than Virgil’s, that’s not fair. Don’t tell him that I said that,” Roman mumbles.  
  
Patton chuckles at that. “I don’t think he wants to talk to me loads lately anyway.”  
  
The prince remains silent at that. It is not any of his business after all.  
  
After what feels like forever, Roman is the first one to pull back despite Patton’s disappointed whine resembling a kicked puppy.  
  
“Come on, let’s fix this 'Thomas can’t see us' thing now,” Roman simply says, picking up the daffodils to Patton’s delight.  
  
“Oh right, I forgot about that,” Patton admits.  
  
Roman makes a face but doesn’t say anything as they start to walk out of the labyrinth.

-: ✧ :-

It is a little underwhelming when all the sides reunite and decide to go visit Thomas and the man sees them appear immediately and greets them happily.  
  
“Hey guys, haven’t seen you all week!” Thomas exclaims. “Which probably was a good sign actually, is something wrong now? Am I having a dilemma I didn’t even know about?”  
  
An awkward silence then settles in as all the sides just look at each other, confused as well, while Thomas is waiting for an answer, still comfortably sat on the couch, not really bothered to not being able to see the TV anymore because of his sides.  
  
“Ok pause!” Roman yells, facing Logan and Patton. “He can see us! Please I’m tired of being told lies.”  
  
“You know I am not on to state something that is untrue,” Logan counters. “This morning I swear he could not hear or see us. It means everything is better now and we can go back to our normal routine.”  
  
“So we solved this thing without meaning to? What did we even do?” Virgil asks.  
  
“Simple. My hypothesis was correct,” Logan prides himself. “This was related to Thomas’ imagination lacking because both Roman and Remus retreated and mostly kept to themselves and felt isolated from us which had an indirect impact on how Thomas couldn’t see us anymore since the twins did not want our company either.”  
  
“What’s going on?” Thomas butts in.  
  
“Thomas, not now,” Janus reprimands, causing the man to blink and look at his phone now, mumbling a “damn okay” under his breath. Guess he’ll let his sides bicker, it isn’t much different from usual.  
  
“Okay, so what now?” Remus asks.  
  
Everything seems to be solved, so where do they go from here?  
  
“I know!” Patton exclaims. “Something else has been bugging me off. Roman, where’s your sash?”  
  
And somehow, that gets everyone’s attention, even Thomas who suddenly straightens his back as well to try to peek at the prince’s… lack of princely attire, actually.  
  
Not so used to be put in the spotlight anymore Roman blinks for several seconds, at a loss of words, before he looks down on himself and realises that, indeed, his chest lacks the usual loud red he proudly wears. He got used to the absence of red.  
  
“Well, I was kind of on a break this past week, so,” he says as if stating the obvious.   
  
“Actually, Roman,” Thomas’ voice butts in. “I would like your help. I’m afraid my acting skills might get a bit rusty by now, do you mind if we all go to the mind palace and act some stuff out? Like old time’s sake.”  
  
You really could not miss the literal stars in the creative side’s eyes as he nods excitedly and promptly brings everyone in the mind palace with a snap of his fingers.

-: ✧ :-

Something still doesn’t feel quite right, Roman muses as the day comes to an end, even in the imagination. He is back in his room in his castle, putting back up pictures on the wall that do not hurt to look at anymore.  
  
He has been mad at the others in the past, it is a given since he pretty much was an entitled brat all throughout Thomas’ life and especially during his youngest years when Roman had more… control, in a sense, over the mindscape, but never had he managed to make it so Thomas wouldn’t be able to see them anymore. And he has _tried_ , as shameful as it sounds now, and it just doesn’t make sense that he now somehow managed to do that while his influence on Thomas has significantly lessened.  
  
Logan would kill him for even thinking that, but the logical side was wrong. Neither Roman or Remus had anything to do with this.  
  
Roman startles when he feels someone enter the imagination — and it isn’t Remus. It is Janus. Somehow he just knows. As he looks at the picture of him and his brother he just sticked to his mirror, it hits him.  
  
He can recall only one instance in which Thomas wasn’t able to see some of them — mainly Remus and Virgil and it suddenly makes _sense_.  
  
He suddenly rushes outside, blindly running towards where he can just feel Janus’ presence in the imagination. Soon, Roman finds himself on the cliff behind Remus’ manor and here Janus is, legs dangling above the nothingness below them.  
  
Dramatic as ever, or it is Roman’s tumultuous heartbeat unconsciously prompting the imagination to react like that around him, the wind picks up, lifting Janus’ cape but also his hat that flies right in Roman’s hands.  
  
The deceitful side startles, slowly turning around to meet the prince’s eyes. He opens his mouth to say something, surprise clear in his gaze, but Roman beats him to it.  
  
“It was you, isn’t it,” Roman says, not accusatory, but more curious than anything else. “You blocked Thomas from being able to see us.”  
  
Janus blinks, and then huffs out a laugh. “Guilty as charge,” he replies with a sly smile. “I am actually surprised Logan has not made the connection. Truly _did_ expect you to connect the dots.”  
  
Roman doesn’t say anything as he simply sits down next to the half-snake side and gives him back his hat, sundown warming both of their faces.  
  
“You were right, in order for Thomas to take a break, he needed a break from us as well,” Janus continues. “So I thought a small week to himself without us pestering him was the best approach.”  
  
“Why didn’t you correct the others earlier then?”  
  
“Because their first thought and worry was that you were hurt and they wanted to get to you again. Somewhere along the way they forgot about this whole Thomas can’t see us thing, you were the one constantly reminding them. They care about you, so deeply, Roman. But sometimes they need a little push.”  
  
“Uh…”  
  
“A little white lie won’t hurt them. Won’t hurt _you_.”  
  
A silence settles then and Janus expected Roman to just stand up and leave but instead, he suddenly feels a weight on his shoulder and warmth spreads all over his body, ironically making him shiver.  
  
“Thank you. You really are good-hearted, Janus, would have loved to see that genuine side a bit sooner, though.”  
  
Janus makes an embarrassed noise in response, not actually knowing how to react properly. Roman giggling doesn’t help either.  
  
“Roman?”  
  
“Mmh?”  
  
“What’s that feeling, now?”  
  
“Describe it.”  
  
“It’s… warm.”  
  
Roman hums. “Love, appreciation, probably.” A pause. “Forgiveness.”  
  
The sun has completely set by now, twilight gentle taking its place in the sky and the moon now looking down on them.  
  
“It feels nice,” Janus dumbly states.  
  
“Yeah,” Roman agrees. He sounds sleepy. Janus doesn’t move.  
  
Forgiveness. He looks down where his hand is resting on the grass and only then notices blue hyacinths suddenly by his side. He smiles as he gently picks the flower and then puts it in his pocket, sticking out next to the purple one.  
  
Forgiveness and sincerity.  
  
“Virgil will kill me if he hears about this, this never happened, alright?” Janus suddenly says, forcing out a loud laugh from Roman.  
  
“One day, you two will have to tell us what happened between you two, just saying.”  
  
“That’s an issue for another day, my prince.”  
  
“Guess so, mister we-need-to-talk.”  
  
He doesn’t reply, only smiles softly.

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of rushed the end cuz this fic wasn’t supposed to be this long but oh well. Roceit always brings back the dramatic writing out of me.
> 
> Roman, Janus and Logan are my favourite sides. Is it noticeable? I think it is.
> 
> I originally wrote whole paragraphs summing up my feelings about the last episode then ended up erasing everything because I gathered no one would read anyway and I’ve been really taking my time finishing writing this.
> 
> So I’ll end this with: I rewatched the whole series after the last episode, just to suffer while seeing Roman slowly but surely losing all his confidence and picking up every single time he was doubted and put aside for the very job he is supposed to embody and then learns he has been manipulated only to lose everything in the end and let’s just say— My boy got trust issues and you wonder why????
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> I also wrote an alternative ending where it’s bittersweet and Roman kind of snapped but even I couldn’t handle that much Roman angst. I WANT ALL OF THEM TO BE HAPPY AGAIN PLEASE
> 
> Also also. Now that we know all of the sides’ names (up until we meet the “orange side” and we’ll have to go through that all over again) I really wanna write AUs now, I got a bunch I started for other fandoms that I never got to actually write because there weren’t enough characters (that I liked writing, that is lol) so yeah, looking forward to get to that someday ~ hit me up on Tumblr I would love to talk to some of y’all :)
> 
> And on that note, thank you for reading, dear, may our paths cross again.


End file.
